“Don’t look Sari.” Brad hugs my head into his chest. “Don’t look.”
I stroke Lizi’s hair while we cry over yet another violent death. This one…we witnessed.
I catch Mark’s stare. He is barely recognizable to me. Like a pile of bricks, it hits me. He cannot stomach another man stepping in to soothe me. Suddenly, my heart rate picks up. I scan the room for the gun. What will Mark do?
“Ed Hayes is hidden in the basement.” Mark’s tone is stone cold so is his expression. He footsteps are heavy and pronounced. The opening of the front door announces Mark’s exit. He is met by a dozen blaring sirens coming around the bend.
**************************************************************************
One year later…
I peacefully inhale as the sunset rests on my face. The colors of pink, orange and purple glow on my skin. I love Cedar Creek. Iowa is my heaven on Earth.
45 minutes ago I got word Detective Hughes received the death penalty today. Justice has been served. I didn’t cry, I didn’t scream…I simply smiled. I nearly giggled. My mother, Evan, Ainslie and Aunt Clara can now rest in the peace they deserve. I sneer at the thought of Hughes’ near escape. He was caught that night boarding a plane to the Cayman Islands. Coward.
I think back to those two days that changed my life forever. I am not haunted by them. My heart will always bleed for the lives cut short but I cannot live with their deaths being in vain. I have to believe that everything happens for a reason. It is nearly impossible to see the ‘reason’ but I know it is there. I feel it.
I will never forget seeing Ed Hayes for the first time that day. After Dan committed suicide we trusted Mark’s admission and ran to the basement where we found Ed gagged and tied up. He was all alone except for a TV tuned into ABC.
I stopped in my tracks. Ed Hayes’ emerald eyes set off sparklers in my heart. “Daddy” is all I said. The word floated out of me. I didn’t think, I only reacted. It sounded beautiful. I knew him. I felt connected to him. I wonder if this is how my baby will feel when she is born. An instant connection to me and Brad. A tear drips from my eye…such a beautiful thought.
I cannot wait to meet Ainslie Hayes Callahan. She was made from pure and true love. I guess my mother and I have a lot in common after all. I fell in complete, all encompassing love with the man who saved my life by believing in me and standing by my side. Luckily, I also learned from her mistakes too. I know true love takes work to stay true. And we are truly perfect.
Brad and I had some adversity to overcome. We were national sensations overnight. It was so overwhelming. We blew the Chicago PD wide open and it was ugly. I reported the case we cracked up as my final report as a reporter. It was also Brad’s last interview as a detective.
Brad and I decided to leave the Windy City behind us and find our personal tranquility. Cedar Creek. It is delightful. The trees are enormous, the lakes are crystal clear, the grass is pillow stuff and the four seasons are filled with love and hope. And, the best part, my father lives down the street. He is an amazing man. We are beyond happy. A much simpler life than I had predicted for myself. I was so off base back in Chicago. I now know what is important and what is not. My life is nothing but bliss. Brad consults the local police departments on their tougher cases and I am babbling in a writing career.
Lizi left Chicago as well. She was accepted to Georgetown to study law. She is eager to pursue a career with the FBI. If ever there was a woman who could hack it in the FBI it is her. She is a physical specimen. I am so proud of her. Ainslie and Aunt Clara surely are too.
I haven’t heard from Mark in months. He was arrested for his role in the case. It’s true on some level he was an innocent bystander but the information he knew could have set Ed Hayes free and stopped the situation from getting worse….saving Ainslie and Aunt Clara’s lives. But he couldn’t do that. He was so selfish. The courts went easy on him in some ways. He did not have to serve jail time but he lost his law license for life. My guess is he will live miserably for the duration of his existence. I didn’t see it during our 5 year courtship because I wasn’t looking but it is so obvious to me now. Mark simply wants, wants and wants. He doesn’t know how to garner what he has.
“Hey babe.’ Brad kneels down beside me. He tenderly lays his hand my baby bump. “How are my girls?”
“Wonderful.” I gush just as Ainslie kicks.
Monday, January 18, 2010
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
NIP 31
I slow down for just a second to help Lizi comfortably into the backseat. I flinch startled at the sound of scores of sirens racing by. My eyes shift to locate the whereabouts of this alarming sound. Swiveling lights are no where to be seen.
“Get in Sari! We gotta go.” Orders Brad without explanation.
I leap in the front. With the slam of my door Brad peels out onto a dark and desolate road.
“Shouldn’t we tell the police Lizi is okay?” I ask trying to make sense of everything.
“No. I have a plan.” Casually announces Brad.
“Me too.” I begin dialing my phone. “Sam…”
”No!” Brad snatches my phone out of my hand and disconnects the call.
“I’m putting this on the air and flushing out Hughes!” I blurt.
“Hughes?” Lizi murmurs. “You mean Hayes?”
“Lizi, it is so much worse then we thought.” I hang my head devastated to shed this light on Lizi. “It seems Detective Hughes and Dan Staley are involved in this.”
“Mark’s stepfather?” Lizi doesn’t miss a beat.
“Yeah.” I sigh. “Ed Hayes is innocent.”
“Oh.” She stares out the window obviously attempting to digest this information. If that is even possible.
“Brad, I can do this. I can write this story.” I plead.
“You can’t. We need more answers.” Brad rests his hand on my leg to calm me. “And we cannot tip off Hughes until we have them. Follow?”
I sit and ponder for a moment. Brad’s hand stays on my leg. His touch relaxes me. It is as if by osmosis I get what he is saying. Brad’s right…we do not have the glue in this story. We have the pieces but how do they all fit together? What connected all of these people to each other…my mom, Ed Hayes, Hughes, Dan. What and why???
“I follow.” I softly smile as a token of thanks. “You are so patient. Is this what they teach you at the Police Academy?? So not like in the movie.”
“Ha.” Brad’s chuckle soaks up the stale and dreary air in the car. “You have a knack for making me laugh at the most peculiar time.”
“Oh so the ‘Detective Straight Face’ is a class too?” I giggle.
“You betcha babe!” Brad grins ear to ear.
“Ah, what is going on up there?” Lizi’s voice catches me off guard. She already sounds like herself. Guess my baby sister is not quite the baby I take her for.
“We are trying to determine next steps…” As I attempt to sugarcoat the situation Lizi cuts me off.
“No, I mean between you two.” Her hand gesture is her punctuation. She is pointing out the space between us. She knows the space between us not longer exists. She knows we have been intimate. Though not as intimate as I would like. Ugh…focus. I have to throw her off our trail. I am her role model after all.
“Nothing.” I fold my hands in my lap and squint my eyes at her. God, do I literally wear my heart on my sleeve!?!
“Oooooookay.” Lizi rolls her eyes then winks at me. I cringe watching Brad smirk into the rearview mirror. Awkward! “So since you guys are not flirting up there…where are we going?”
“Dan Staley’s.” Brad casually spits out.
“Dan’s?” I question. “Shouldn’t we take Lizi to the hospital or find her assailant before conducting further investigation?”
“I’m fine.” Lizi butts in.
“Are you Lizi?” Brad’s compassionate eyes shine in the rearview mirror. “Tell us the truth Lizi. We do not want to risk your health. Dan can wait.”
“I’m fine.” Lizi curtly responds. “Truly. Let’s get this bastard.”
“Do you remember anything about who did this to you?” I ask as one last ditch effort now that Lizi seems comfortable.
“All I can remember is that he seemed oddly familiar.” Lizi’s eyes pan left in thought. “But I can’t place it.”
“It’s okay Liz. We will get to the bottom of this.” I attempt to sound confident.
‘You betcha. And that time is now.” Brad announces as he throws the car into park.
We are here. We are at Dan Staley’s house. I know this house so well. So does Lizi. We have spent many holidays at Mark’s stepfather’s house…with Aunt Clara. How come she never said anything?
“How come Aunt Clara never mentioned knowing Dan?” Lizi’s tone is as muddled as her expression. I jerk my head in her direction…I’m really starting to wonder if there is a thought bubble above my head. How do these guys know what I am thinking!
“Geez…I was just thinking that. I have no idea and it bothers me.” I shake my head in disbelief.
“I have a feeling this to is about to come to light.” Brad shuffles towards Dan’s front door. Lizi and I shrug and blindly follow.
Brad rings the doorbell. We stand in silence. This is surreal. I could cut the air with a knife.
The door slowly creeps open. The thickening air is suffocating me.
“Oh boy.” Sighs Dan with a grin of disgust. His appearance is disheveled and his presence is cold. This is not the charismatic man I know. Without another word Dan shuts the door in our face.
“Not so fast.” Brad quickly wedges his foot in the door and knocks it open…shoving Dan out of the way. Brad’s poise fills the foyer. Lizi and I clumsily enter and like deer in headlights we hover behind Brad. Brad clinches his jaw with an intensity I have not yet witnessed in him. “Let’s talk.”
With a cocky tilt of his head, Dan opens his mouth to protest just as Brad holds up the picture containing Dan, Hughes, Hayes, my mother and Aunt Clara.
Dan’s gulp echoes in the foyer. Shivers crawl up my spine. This is it. The truth is here.
“Ok.” Dan calmly lowers his head as if raising a white flag and gestures to his study. Dan’s posture is slumped and at 6’5 this is a sign of defeat. Brad has proven himself the alpha dog in this house.
Brad confidently strides into the study. I take Lizi’s hand and together we step into the study. It is dimly lit. Immediately I am drawn to a bottle of scotch on the coffee the table. It is the only object glowing in the room. That is except for the glass of scotch next to it and the one in….Mark’s hand.
“Mark!” I exclaim. I am not sure what I am feeling other than shock. All sorts of emotions swirl in my mind. “Why are you here?”
“Sari.” His eyes soften. “I’m so sorry.”
“For what?” I murmur. The wind has been knocked out of me…yet again. Mark IS a part of this? Oh god.
Mark cowardly breaks our eye contact. Instead he stares blankly into his glass of scotch. Go ahead Mark…keep hiding.
“I will tell you everything.” Dan’s voice is crisp yet heavy. “I knew this day would come.”
I gasp for air. Here it comes. The truth. I need to be pinched. I look to Lizi who is one shade whiter than when we arrived. So I pinch her before I look to Brad. He doesn’t meet my gaze. His eyes are locked on Dan. I notice he is fidgeting in his pocket. Oh my god, he is a genius! I force a straight face as I watch Brad turn on his radio mic. Little does Dan know he is about to go live with his truth!
“We’re waiting Dan. Tell us everything you know about the death of Ainslie Clarke and all the others.” Brad’s sentence is thorough yet delivered so casually only I know what he is up to. Now the entire CPD know exactly what they are listening too. I stand mouth agape.
“First you need to know Mark is an innocent bystander. I assure you.” Dan turns his attention on me. “When Mark brought you home the first time I did everything in my power to sabotage your relationship. I knew who you were. Once I realized your love was real Clara and I met in private and determined keeping the past hidden was still the best option…for everyone.”
“I need to know how my Aunt was involved in this?” I interrupt his monologue in hopes of skipping to the part of the truth I need. Selfish…perhaps…but I am on the verge of tears. I cannot bare the thought that Aunt Clara was somehow a part of murder…murders.
“She too was an innocent bystander.” Dan swallows hard. To my surprise, Brad waits patiently as Dan organizes his thoughts. Definitely not the scene I was expecting. For some reason, I expected Brad to slam Dan’s head into the wall and then on his desk forcing him to speak. Just like in Law & Order. Guess not.
“You can do this Dan.” Mark encourages from the sidelines. Apparently he has already been briefed.
“Your mother, Sarah Jane, was an incredible woman. I swear she could light up any room and let me tell you men noticed her. She was the most alive woman and never without a smile and she had such grace and yet could be so uncouth. She was every guys dream and every guys fantasy. But she was not without her flaws. She so terribly wanted to be loved. A real, true, big love. She fell hard for Ed Hayes after he rescued her in that fire. But Ed was not for her. He could never be who she wanted him to be. Ed was…is…rough around the edges. He’s a typical blue-collar raised Chicago police officer. The relationship was passionate and intense but short lived. I do believe Ed was Sarah Jane’s true love. It hurt her terribly that her dream could not survive in the real world.” He closes his eyes in what seems like pity for my mother. “Through Ed she met Hughes.”
I suck too much air in and choke. Hughes.
“Hughes loved her. He was madly in love with her. The way she always wished Ed would have been. Hughes was no Ed Hayes. And she didn’t want to be a police officer’s wife. Hughes was of a different breed but she didn’t care. Her mind was made up. They did, however, have a steaming affair for years. Sarah Jane needed to be loved…it was like a drug. In this time, she met and married Evan. Evan was perfect on paper. The ideal husband, father and man. Finally she would have the life she always dreamed.”
“She was still sleeping with Hughes after she married my father?” Lizi quickly asks Dan as if she is talking to a girlfriend.
“I’m afraid so.” Dan sips his scotch then rubs his temple. “Until she called it off.”
“The rest. What is the rest? How did Sarah Jane and Evan die?” Brad is becoming impatient. I sense he is afraid of the answer. “A crime of passion?”
“Hughes and I booked Hayes on the murder of Sarah Jane and Evan. We made sure he would get life in prison. We made sure everyone thought him a monster.” Dan has shame written all over his face. “Hughes and I did this sort of thing to get a higher conviction rate in the past.”
“You made people look guilty?” Brad looks disgusted.
“Or guiltier. Anyway, Ed played along because he knew what he was up against. And little did we know how passionate Clara was going to turn out to be. She told him she was going to protect Amanda…Sari…because what an awful thing for a child to grow up with…’a father behind bars for murdering her mother.’ So Ed gave up. Just like that he accepted his fate and kept quiet. For you Sari, he didn’t fight for his life.” A look of remorse crosses Dan’s face. I want to spit in his face.
“Did you murder them!” I am consumed with rage.
“No.” Dan answers point blank without hesitation. “I am guilty of covering for the real murderer.”
“Why?” Tears track my cheeks.
“Hughes had me by the balls. My career would have been torched. I was protecting myself. And then I tricked Mark into protecting me after I left office.” Dan speaks of himself like he is talking about someone he doesn’t know.
“I found out all on my own. I pieced it together and went to Clara. She never wanted you to know about Ed. She believed he murdered them. We were determined to keep him behind bars for life. He was never supposed to get out. I was seeing to that.” Mark chimes in. “But right under my nose he was falling in love with Marcy. From what I have gathered their relationship inspired him to get out of jail and begin a new life.”
“Then how come Ainslie was murdered? And Aunt Clara? And Marcy? Why?” I beg for resolve.
“Hughes lost it when Ed was released.” Dan quietly explains. “He wanted to frame Ed once again.”
“Who is the murderer? Who murdered all of these people?” Brad demands.
“Detective Allan Hughes. Hughes and his cronies. Ed Hayes is innocent.” Dan articulately announces as he raises a….
“Gun!” Brad shouts. He throws his body over Lizi and I. We collapse to the ground with Brad as our shield.
I look towards Mark who eyes turn a murky shade of blue before he covers his frightened face with his trembling hands.
The gunshot is deafening. Every muscle in my body is jolted. I squeeze my eyes shut and hug Lizi as tight as I can. Where is the bullet? Who did Dan shoot? Courage. Where is my courage? I find it…I cannot resist…I have to see what is happening.
“Ohmigod!” I scream so loud my veins rattles. My soul rattles. My entire being rattles.
Mark drops his scotch. The shattering glass sets my equilibrium. I steady my breathing…I just witnessed Dan Staley blow his brains out. The sight is gruesome. My heart bleeds. My heart bleeds for everyone…
“Don’t look Sari.” Brad hugs my head into his chest. “Don’t look.”
I stroke Lizi’s hair while we cry over yet another violent death. This one…we witnessed.
I catch Mark’s stare. He is barely recognizable to me. Like a pile of bricks, it hits me. He cannot stomach another man stepping in to soothe me. Suddenly, my heart rate picks up. I scan the room for the gun. What will Mark do?
“Ed Hayes is hidden in the basement.” Mark’s tone is stone cold so is his expression. He footsteps are heavy and pronounced. The opening of the front door announces Mark’s exit. He is met by a dozen blaring sirens coming around the bend.
“Get in Sari! We gotta go.” Orders Brad without explanation.
I leap in the front. With the slam of my door Brad peels out onto a dark and desolate road.
“Shouldn’t we tell the police Lizi is okay?” I ask trying to make sense of everything.
“No. I have a plan.” Casually announces Brad.
“Me too.” I begin dialing my phone. “Sam…”
”No!” Brad snatches my phone out of my hand and disconnects the call.
“I’m putting this on the air and flushing out Hughes!” I blurt.
“Hughes?” Lizi murmurs. “You mean Hayes?”
“Lizi, it is so much worse then we thought.” I hang my head devastated to shed this light on Lizi. “It seems Detective Hughes and Dan Staley are involved in this.”
“Mark’s stepfather?” Lizi doesn’t miss a beat.
“Yeah.” I sigh. “Ed Hayes is innocent.”
“Oh.” She stares out the window obviously attempting to digest this information. If that is even possible.
“Brad, I can do this. I can write this story.” I plead.
“You can’t. We need more answers.” Brad rests his hand on my leg to calm me. “And we cannot tip off Hughes until we have them. Follow?”
I sit and ponder for a moment. Brad’s hand stays on my leg. His touch relaxes me. It is as if by osmosis I get what he is saying. Brad’s right…we do not have the glue in this story. We have the pieces but how do they all fit together? What connected all of these people to each other…my mom, Ed Hayes, Hughes, Dan. What and why???
“I follow.” I softly smile as a token of thanks. “You are so patient. Is this what they teach you at the Police Academy?? So not like in the movie.”
“Ha.” Brad’s chuckle soaks up the stale and dreary air in the car. “You have a knack for making me laugh at the most peculiar time.”
“Oh so the ‘Detective Straight Face’ is a class too?” I giggle.
“You betcha babe!” Brad grins ear to ear.
“Ah, what is going on up there?” Lizi’s voice catches me off guard. She already sounds like herself. Guess my baby sister is not quite the baby I take her for.
“We are trying to determine next steps…” As I attempt to sugarcoat the situation Lizi cuts me off.
“No, I mean between you two.” Her hand gesture is her punctuation. She is pointing out the space between us. She knows the space between us not longer exists. She knows we have been intimate. Though not as intimate as I would like. Ugh…focus. I have to throw her off our trail. I am her role model after all.
“Nothing.” I fold my hands in my lap and squint my eyes at her. God, do I literally wear my heart on my sleeve!?!
“Oooooookay.” Lizi rolls her eyes then winks at me. I cringe watching Brad smirk into the rearview mirror. Awkward! “So since you guys are not flirting up there…where are we going?”
“Dan Staley’s.” Brad casually spits out.
“Dan’s?” I question. “Shouldn’t we take Lizi to the hospital or find her assailant before conducting further investigation?”
“I’m fine.” Lizi butts in.
“Are you Lizi?” Brad’s compassionate eyes shine in the rearview mirror. “Tell us the truth Lizi. We do not want to risk your health. Dan can wait.”
“I’m fine.” Lizi curtly responds. “Truly. Let’s get this bastard.”
“Do you remember anything about who did this to you?” I ask as one last ditch effort now that Lizi seems comfortable.
“All I can remember is that he seemed oddly familiar.” Lizi’s eyes pan left in thought. “But I can’t place it.”
“It’s okay Liz. We will get to the bottom of this.” I attempt to sound confident.
‘You betcha. And that time is now.” Brad announces as he throws the car into park.
We are here. We are at Dan Staley’s house. I know this house so well. So does Lizi. We have spent many holidays at Mark’s stepfather’s house…with Aunt Clara. How come she never said anything?
“How come Aunt Clara never mentioned knowing Dan?” Lizi’s tone is as muddled as her expression. I jerk my head in her direction…I’m really starting to wonder if there is a thought bubble above my head. How do these guys know what I am thinking!
“Geez…I was just thinking that. I have no idea and it bothers me.” I shake my head in disbelief.
“I have a feeling this to is about to come to light.” Brad shuffles towards Dan’s front door. Lizi and I shrug and blindly follow.
Brad rings the doorbell. We stand in silence. This is surreal. I could cut the air with a knife.
The door slowly creeps open. The thickening air is suffocating me.
“Oh boy.” Sighs Dan with a grin of disgust. His appearance is disheveled and his presence is cold. This is not the charismatic man I know. Without another word Dan shuts the door in our face.
“Not so fast.” Brad quickly wedges his foot in the door and knocks it open…shoving Dan out of the way. Brad’s poise fills the foyer. Lizi and I clumsily enter and like deer in headlights we hover behind Brad. Brad clinches his jaw with an intensity I have not yet witnessed in him. “Let’s talk.”
With a cocky tilt of his head, Dan opens his mouth to protest just as Brad holds up the picture containing Dan, Hughes, Hayes, my mother and Aunt Clara.
Dan’s gulp echoes in the foyer. Shivers crawl up my spine. This is it. The truth is here.
“Ok.” Dan calmly lowers his head as if raising a white flag and gestures to his study. Dan’s posture is slumped and at 6’5 this is a sign of defeat. Brad has proven himself the alpha dog in this house.
Brad confidently strides into the study. I take Lizi’s hand and together we step into the study. It is dimly lit. Immediately I am drawn to a bottle of scotch on the coffee the table. It is the only object glowing in the room. That is except for the glass of scotch next to it and the one in….Mark’s hand.
“Mark!” I exclaim. I am not sure what I am feeling other than shock. All sorts of emotions swirl in my mind. “Why are you here?”
“Sari.” His eyes soften. “I’m so sorry.”
“For what?” I murmur. The wind has been knocked out of me…yet again. Mark IS a part of this? Oh god.
Mark cowardly breaks our eye contact. Instead he stares blankly into his glass of scotch. Go ahead Mark…keep hiding.
“I will tell you everything.” Dan’s voice is crisp yet heavy. “I knew this day would come.”
I gasp for air. Here it comes. The truth. I need to be pinched. I look to Lizi who is one shade whiter than when we arrived. So I pinch her before I look to Brad. He doesn’t meet my gaze. His eyes are locked on Dan. I notice he is fidgeting in his pocket. Oh my god, he is a genius! I force a straight face as I watch Brad turn on his radio mic. Little does Dan know he is about to go live with his truth!
“We’re waiting Dan. Tell us everything you know about the death of Ainslie Clarke and all the others.” Brad’s sentence is thorough yet delivered so casually only I know what he is up to. Now the entire CPD know exactly what they are listening too. I stand mouth agape.
“First you need to know Mark is an innocent bystander. I assure you.” Dan turns his attention on me. “When Mark brought you home the first time I did everything in my power to sabotage your relationship. I knew who you were. Once I realized your love was real Clara and I met in private and determined keeping the past hidden was still the best option…for everyone.”
“I need to know how my Aunt was involved in this?” I interrupt his monologue in hopes of skipping to the part of the truth I need. Selfish…perhaps…but I am on the verge of tears. I cannot bare the thought that Aunt Clara was somehow a part of murder…murders.
“She too was an innocent bystander.” Dan swallows hard. To my surprise, Brad waits patiently as Dan organizes his thoughts. Definitely not the scene I was expecting. For some reason, I expected Brad to slam Dan’s head into the wall and then on his desk forcing him to speak. Just like in Law & Order. Guess not.
“You can do this Dan.” Mark encourages from the sidelines. Apparently he has already been briefed.
“Your mother, Sarah Jane, was an incredible woman. I swear she could light up any room and let me tell you men noticed her. She was the most alive woman and never without a smile and she had such grace and yet could be so uncouth. She was every guys dream and every guys fantasy. But she was not without her flaws. She so terribly wanted to be loved. A real, true, big love. She fell hard for Ed Hayes after he rescued her in that fire. But Ed was not for her. He could never be who she wanted him to be. Ed was…is…rough around the edges. He’s a typical blue-collar raised Chicago police officer. The relationship was passionate and intense but short lived. I do believe Ed was Sarah Jane’s true love. It hurt her terribly that her dream could not survive in the real world.” He closes his eyes in what seems like pity for my mother. “Through Ed she met Hughes.”
I suck too much air in and choke. Hughes.
“Hughes loved her. He was madly in love with her. The way she always wished Ed would have been. Hughes was no Ed Hayes. And she didn’t want to be a police officer’s wife. Hughes was of a different breed but she didn’t care. Her mind was made up. They did, however, have a steaming affair for years. Sarah Jane needed to be loved…it was like a drug. In this time, she met and married Evan. Evan was perfect on paper. The ideal husband, father and man. Finally she would have the life she always dreamed.”
“She was still sleeping with Hughes after she married my father?” Lizi quickly asks Dan as if she is talking to a girlfriend.
“I’m afraid so.” Dan sips his scotch then rubs his temple. “Until she called it off.”
“The rest. What is the rest? How did Sarah Jane and Evan die?” Brad is becoming impatient. I sense he is afraid of the answer. “A crime of passion?”
“Hughes and I booked Hayes on the murder of Sarah Jane and Evan. We made sure he would get life in prison. We made sure everyone thought him a monster.” Dan has shame written all over his face. “Hughes and I did this sort of thing to get a higher conviction rate in the past.”
“You made people look guilty?” Brad looks disgusted.
“Or guiltier. Anyway, Ed played along because he knew what he was up against. And little did we know how passionate Clara was going to turn out to be. She told him she was going to protect Amanda…Sari…because what an awful thing for a child to grow up with…’a father behind bars for murdering her mother.’ So Ed gave up. Just like that he accepted his fate and kept quiet. For you Sari, he didn’t fight for his life.” A look of remorse crosses Dan’s face. I want to spit in his face.
“Did you murder them!” I am consumed with rage.
“No.” Dan answers point blank without hesitation. “I am guilty of covering for the real murderer.”
“Why?” Tears track my cheeks.
“Hughes had me by the balls. My career would have been torched. I was protecting myself. And then I tricked Mark into protecting me after I left office.” Dan speaks of himself like he is talking about someone he doesn’t know.
“I found out all on my own. I pieced it together and went to Clara. She never wanted you to know about Ed. She believed he murdered them. We were determined to keep him behind bars for life. He was never supposed to get out. I was seeing to that.” Mark chimes in. “But right under my nose he was falling in love with Marcy. From what I have gathered their relationship inspired him to get out of jail and begin a new life.”
“Then how come Ainslie was murdered? And Aunt Clara? And Marcy? Why?” I beg for resolve.
“Hughes lost it when Ed was released.” Dan quietly explains. “He wanted to frame Ed once again.”
“Who is the murderer? Who murdered all of these people?” Brad demands.
“Detective Allan Hughes. Hughes and his cronies. Ed Hayes is innocent.” Dan articulately announces as he raises a….
“Gun!” Brad shouts. He throws his body over Lizi and I. We collapse to the ground with Brad as our shield.
I look towards Mark who eyes turn a murky shade of blue before he covers his frightened face with his trembling hands.
The gunshot is deafening. Every muscle in my body is jolted. I squeeze my eyes shut and hug Lizi as tight as I can. Where is the bullet? Who did Dan shoot? Courage. Where is my courage? I find it…I cannot resist…I have to see what is happening.
“Ohmigod!” I scream so loud my veins rattles. My soul rattles. My entire being rattles.
Mark drops his scotch. The shattering glass sets my equilibrium. I steady my breathing…I just witnessed Dan Staley blow his brains out. The sight is gruesome. My heart bleeds. My heart bleeds for everyone…
“Don’t look Sari.” Brad hugs my head into his chest. “Don’t look.”
I stroke Lizi’s hair while we cry over yet another violent death. This one…we witnessed.
I catch Mark’s stare. He is barely recognizable to me. Like a pile of bricks, it hits me. He cannot stomach another man stepping in to soothe me. Suddenly, my heart rate picks up. I scan the room for the gun. What will Mark do?
“Ed Hayes is hidden in the basement.” Mark’s tone is stone cold so is his expression. He footsteps are heavy and pronounced. The opening of the front door announces Mark’s exit. He is met by a dozen blaring sirens coming around the bend.
Sunday, December 20, 2009
NIP 30
I reread the message. ‘I could use a twirl’. ‘Twirl.” What is she saying? Why am I not getting this? We talk code all the time. We are sisters for crying out loud. What is wrong with me! I cant give up. I lower my head and fix my eyes on the ground. Focus. Focus.
My eyes lock on the album dated 1983. Lizi would have been an infant in 1983. The same year my mother and who I thought was my father were killed…or rather murdered. Something inside me convinces me to randomly flip the album open. A picture of me and my sisters seems to be glowing. I press my lips together and fight back tears. We were just girls…happy little girls.
“Sari!” Brad startles me back to earth. “Oh shit on a shingle! Check it the fuck out!”
I follow Brad’s indignant index finger to a photo on the next page. The pictures shows the smiling faces of us girls, my mother, my father figure Evan, my aunt Clara, Detective Hughes and…oh my god. Dan Staley, Marks’ stepfather and retired public defender.
“That’s…” The wind has been knocked out of me.
“It’s Dan.” Brad whispers in revelation. “They’re dirty.”
“You mean…my mother…”
“I mean… Hughes is a dirtbag cop and Dan was a dirty lawyer. They are in this together. They took down Ed Hayes.” As Brad’s words hit the air they turn into truths.
“But why?” I stutter. “Why kill my mom and dad? And Ainslie, and Aunt Clara, and Marcy and whoever the hell else!”
“Exactly…why?” Brad taps his finger on the photo. “They framed Ed but why. And more importantly why did Ed let them?”
“The zoo!” I shout. “Oh my god. We gotta go.”
I spin in a frantic storm trying to gather the pertinent info of our search. I madly stuff photo after photo in my bag. I have been taken over by my epiphany. No time to talk we have to GO.
Brad kneels down to help. Without saying a word he follows my lead.
“Albums. Grab all the albums. Let’s go!” I hear myself and I sound hysterical like I am on the verge of hyperventilating. “Run!”
We make a mad dash out of the house. I do not even bother to stop running to lock Aunt Clara’s door. My hands are full. We are weighed down with all of our evidence. As we scurry through the front yard a couple of photos slip out of my bag and sail onto the grass. I stop to bend down and retrieve them. I gesture for Brad to keep running. Do not stop. We have 3 blocks to go and I want the car moving pronto.
Sweat gathers on my upper lip. My armpits are soaked. My hair line is dripping. This full body cool down is not because of our rapid pace but rather my spot on intuition. I know where Lizi is!
The peeling out of the tires alerts me that Brad is driving full speed towards me. I glance up and in one Dukes of Hazard motion I leap in the car. He puts the petal to the metal and it feels like we are flying.
“The zoo?” He knowingly asks.
“Yes. The zoo.” I steadily inhale and exhale. I am so revved up and on edge I wish we were driving a Flintstone car so I could put all of my energy into this ride. How am I ever going to survive sitting here idle the whole way downtown! “The twirl is the carousel. It’s a shared place we go to when we hit a snag in our lives. The good memories always seem to put it all in perspective. God, what a piece of shit. He is trying taking everything from us! Everything!”
“My guess is this…either Hughes or Dan is behind this. They are meeting her there.” Brad never takes eyes of the road. It is almost as if he is in a trance and thinking out loud. “We are going to catch this bastard red handed!”
“I think you’re right. I don’t get it but you have to be right. That photo…the one were looking at with both of them in it. It was taken at the zoo.” My voice is unshaken but my insides are a hot mess.
“I’m calling it in.” Brad instantly reaches for his police radio.
“No!” I uncharacteristically slap the radio out of his hand. “We cannot trust them.”
“Right, you’re right about that but we can trust the police.” My eyes illustrate I am not following. Sounds like six of one and half a dozen of the other. “Hughes is scum not the entire force.”
“But he is going to hear the tip come through.” I am whining. I have no other recourse at this point.
“Exactly.” Brad smirks. “If Lizi is in danger my money is on Hughes being behind it. This call will deter him.”
“Oh. My. God.” The tension escapes my body with an exhale. My shoulders drop and my head shakes in disbelief. “You are genius. So this is why they pay you the big bucks.”
“Oh yeah…big bucks.” He wears sarcasm well. Quite sexily…actually.
I listen as Brad makes the call. He voices fades into the background as the A-Team soundtrack slips into my mind. I feel superhero powers flood my veins. I calmly sit in the passenger’s seat as the speedometer vibrates at 120mph, the single siren on the dashboard swivels a red blinking light with a screeching alarm. We are coming to get you!
My breathing is even. I cannot believe I am rational enough to know I am totally turned on by Brad right now. I feel like I could jump his bones this minute and save my sister the next. Wonder Woman. I have finally morphed into my childhood idol. I never felt thin enough to dress up as her for Halloween. Although now it seems my need to emulate her must have been a telltale sign of my future. Her I sit in possession of the poise needed to lasso this fucker.
“Ever shot a gun?” Nonchalantly asks Brad.
“No.” I furrow my brow. God no, never.
“Looks like it will be trial by fire.” Brad shrugs with a half grin. “No pun.”
“Not funny.” Okay, so maybe not as confident as I thought. A lasso is one thing a gun is a completely different animal.
“Okay, okay jokes aside you need to be protected. We have no idea what or who we are walking into. “ Brad turns his detective voice back on. He hands me a weapon. A small but deadly weapon.
“Shit.” My hands shake as I cradle the revolver. “I don’t think I can.”
“You can and if you need to you will.” Brad sounds so sure. “I wouldn’t give it to you otherwise. You have proved you will do whatever it takes to crack this case.”
“Oh. Thanks, I guess. It’s just, I am not a fan of guns.” My lower lip stretches into a straight line exhibiting my anxiety and my overbite. The gun in my lap is making nervous. My heart races as I remember the soaring bullet at the Marcy’s house. One shot can kill. Crap.
“Sari, this man violently murdered your sister and aunt. He is a monster. All you need to do is hold this gun straight out…hold it straight with all of your strength and then pull the trigger. After you pull the trigger do not drop your position. Keeping holding the weapon tight in your grip. You can do this.” Brad speaks with such conviction.
“Okay. Thank you. You believe in me. And because of that I have faith in myself. I can do this.” I nod my head repeatedly. I am almost convinced.
“Good because we are here.” Brad stops the car.
What do I do? Do I run like a crazy person through the zoo shouting and screaming for Lizi? Do I wait in the car? Do I…
“You stay behind me.” Brad soberly forces my eye contact. I hold it. My breathing is deafening. Inhale, exhale. Oh god. “We are going to creep our way to the carousel. We have to sneak up on this guy. No matter what...you remain calm and do not rush past me. Got it?”
“Got it.” I whisper. Oh god.
We climb out of the car. Brad’s demeanor is determined. Mine is a little more apprehensive.
“Gun.” He points to my seat.
“Right.” I lift the gun off of my seat. I grip it tightly. I am a superhero. I am a superhero with a gun. Here we come Lizi. Here we come.
I cautiously trail Brad through the off limits grounds of the zoo. My bones rattle with every step. It is pitch black and freezing cold. I can hardly see a thing and I have no idea what is crackling under feet, slapping my head and scratching my legs.
An eerie breeze knocks the wind out of me. Visions of Ainslie’s mutilated body flicker in my mind. I violently shake my head, Out! I need to focus on Lizi. I must save Lizi. I couldn’t save you Ainslie. I am so sorry. Please Ainslie, please protect Lizi until we find her.
“Ready.” Brad exhales.
I nod. I firm up my grip on my weapon. A rush of confidence and sheer will surge through me. “Ready.”
Without hesitation Brad dashes through the darkness. I stomp loudly behind him. We hurdle over the bushes surrounding the carousel. We plant out feet and point our guns.
Where are you Lizi?
No immediate danger. The carousel is still. No one is here.
“LIZI!!!!!” A blood hurling scream escapes my vocal cords.
“Shhhh.” Brad whispers with scolding eyes.
“Ahhhh. Ahhhhh.” Hums in the air.
“Did you hear that!?!” I eagerly tug on Brad’s shirt.
“Ahhhh. Sar…. Ahhh.” In the ripple of the wind of the hum crescendos.
“Yes!” Brad darts in the direction of the hum. My legs take hold of me and guide me in the same direction.
To my surprise, I keep up with Brad. I jump onto the carousel, thrust my body over a horse and leap through a carriage. Adrenaline.
“Ahhh…Ahhhh.” The purr we are chasing is getting closer.
“Lizi!” A tear trickles down my cheek as I watch Brad drop to his knees. Lizi’s eyes are filled with utter fear. She is tied to the center of the carousel. She is shivering. She is naked.
“Do not be afraid Lizi. We are here. You are safe.” Brad’s voice is calm and encouraging. In one motion he rips the duck tape off of her mouth. “Is your attacker still here?”
Ugh. My stomach bottoms out. Is he still here? I squeeze my gun. I hope so.
“No.” Lizi whimpers. “No.”
Brad cuts the ropes and frees her. The rope burns on her body are so deep and thick they glow through the darkness. Lizi must be in so much pain. Although, I know the burns will not last as long as the emotion scars.
I sprint to her. I fall on top of her. I scoop her up in my arms. I sob. She sobs. “I’m here.”
“Sari…oh my god.” Lizi cries. Her fear and sadness melt into me. I want to harbor all of her pain. God, I wish I could.
I crawl out of my sweater and slide it over her head as I have done so many times before when we were little girls.
“Come on. We have to get out here.” Brad helps Lizi up…compassionately. Whatever the term is for bedside manner when it comes to cops…Brad has it. In spades. I seem to always have one eye on him. “Are you hurt?”
“No. No.” Lizi quietly responses.
“Okay. Can you run?” Asks Brad.
“I can.” I recognize her voice…it’s the voice of her 4 year old self. With this simple response Brad takes off.
Lizi and I frantically hurry to stay in Brad’s wake. We dunk, dive and thrash our abrupt get away out of the zoo. Unseen.
I slow down for just a second to help Lizi comfortably into the backseat. I flinch startled at the sound of scores of sirens racing by. My eyes shift to locate the whereabouts of this alarming sound. Swiveling lights are no where to be seen.
“Get in Sari! We gotta go.” Orders Brad without explanation.
I leap in the front. With the slam of my door Brad peels out onto a dark and desolate road.
“Shouldn’t we tell the police Lizi is okay?” I ask trying to make sense of everything.
“No. I have a plan.” Casually announces Brad.
“Me too.” I begin dialing my phone. “Sam…”
”No!” Brad snatches my phone out of my hand and disconnects the call.
“I’m putting this on the air and flushing out Hughes!” I blurt.
“Hughes?” Lizi murmurs. “You mean Hayes?”
“Lizi, it is so much worse then we thought.” I hang my head devastated to shed this light on Lizi. “It seems Detective Hughes and Dan Staley are involved in this.”
“Mark’s stepfather?” Lizi inquisitively interrupts.
“Yeah.” I sigh. “Ed Hayes innocent.”
My eyes lock on the album dated 1983. Lizi would have been an infant in 1983. The same year my mother and who I thought was my father were killed…or rather murdered. Something inside me convinces me to randomly flip the album open. A picture of me and my sisters seems to be glowing. I press my lips together and fight back tears. We were just girls…happy little girls.
“Sari!” Brad startles me back to earth. “Oh shit on a shingle! Check it the fuck out!”
I follow Brad’s indignant index finger to a photo on the next page. The pictures shows the smiling faces of us girls, my mother, my father figure Evan, my aunt Clara, Detective Hughes and…oh my god. Dan Staley, Marks’ stepfather and retired public defender.
“That’s…” The wind has been knocked out of me.
“It’s Dan.” Brad whispers in revelation. “They’re dirty.”
“You mean…my mother…”
“I mean… Hughes is a dirtbag cop and Dan was a dirty lawyer. They are in this together. They took down Ed Hayes.” As Brad’s words hit the air they turn into truths.
“But why?” I stutter. “Why kill my mom and dad? And Ainslie, and Aunt Clara, and Marcy and whoever the hell else!”
“Exactly…why?” Brad taps his finger on the photo. “They framed Ed but why. And more importantly why did Ed let them?”
“The zoo!” I shout. “Oh my god. We gotta go.”
I spin in a frantic storm trying to gather the pertinent info of our search. I madly stuff photo after photo in my bag. I have been taken over by my epiphany. No time to talk we have to GO.
Brad kneels down to help. Without saying a word he follows my lead.
“Albums. Grab all the albums. Let’s go!” I hear myself and I sound hysterical like I am on the verge of hyperventilating. “Run!”
We make a mad dash out of the house. I do not even bother to stop running to lock Aunt Clara’s door. My hands are full. We are weighed down with all of our evidence. As we scurry through the front yard a couple of photos slip out of my bag and sail onto the grass. I stop to bend down and retrieve them. I gesture for Brad to keep running. Do not stop. We have 3 blocks to go and I want the car moving pronto.
Sweat gathers on my upper lip. My armpits are soaked. My hair line is dripping. This full body cool down is not because of our rapid pace but rather my spot on intuition. I know where Lizi is!
The peeling out of the tires alerts me that Brad is driving full speed towards me. I glance up and in one Dukes of Hazard motion I leap in the car. He puts the petal to the metal and it feels like we are flying.
“The zoo?” He knowingly asks.
“Yes. The zoo.” I steadily inhale and exhale. I am so revved up and on edge I wish we were driving a Flintstone car so I could put all of my energy into this ride. How am I ever going to survive sitting here idle the whole way downtown! “The twirl is the carousel. It’s a shared place we go to when we hit a snag in our lives. The good memories always seem to put it all in perspective. God, what a piece of shit. He is trying taking everything from us! Everything!”
“My guess is this…either Hughes or Dan is behind this. They are meeting her there.” Brad never takes eyes of the road. It is almost as if he is in a trance and thinking out loud. “We are going to catch this bastard red handed!”
“I think you’re right. I don’t get it but you have to be right. That photo…the one were looking at with both of them in it. It was taken at the zoo.” My voice is unshaken but my insides are a hot mess.
“I’m calling it in.” Brad instantly reaches for his police radio.
“No!” I uncharacteristically slap the radio out of his hand. “We cannot trust them.”
“Right, you’re right about that but we can trust the police.” My eyes illustrate I am not following. Sounds like six of one and half a dozen of the other. “Hughes is scum not the entire force.”
“But he is going to hear the tip come through.” I am whining. I have no other recourse at this point.
“Exactly.” Brad smirks. “If Lizi is in danger my money is on Hughes being behind it. This call will deter him.”
“Oh. My. God.” The tension escapes my body with an exhale. My shoulders drop and my head shakes in disbelief. “You are genius. So this is why they pay you the big bucks.”
“Oh yeah…big bucks.” He wears sarcasm well. Quite sexily…actually.
I listen as Brad makes the call. He voices fades into the background as the A-Team soundtrack slips into my mind. I feel superhero powers flood my veins. I calmly sit in the passenger’s seat as the speedometer vibrates at 120mph, the single siren on the dashboard swivels a red blinking light with a screeching alarm. We are coming to get you!
My breathing is even. I cannot believe I am rational enough to know I am totally turned on by Brad right now. I feel like I could jump his bones this minute and save my sister the next. Wonder Woman. I have finally morphed into my childhood idol. I never felt thin enough to dress up as her for Halloween. Although now it seems my need to emulate her must have been a telltale sign of my future. Her I sit in possession of the poise needed to lasso this fucker.
“Ever shot a gun?” Nonchalantly asks Brad.
“No.” I furrow my brow. God no, never.
“Looks like it will be trial by fire.” Brad shrugs with a half grin. “No pun.”
“Not funny.” Okay, so maybe not as confident as I thought. A lasso is one thing a gun is a completely different animal.
“Okay, okay jokes aside you need to be protected. We have no idea what or who we are walking into. “ Brad turns his detective voice back on. He hands me a weapon. A small but deadly weapon.
“Shit.” My hands shake as I cradle the revolver. “I don’t think I can.”
“You can and if you need to you will.” Brad sounds so sure. “I wouldn’t give it to you otherwise. You have proved you will do whatever it takes to crack this case.”
“Oh. Thanks, I guess. It’s just, I am not a fan of guns.” My lower lip stretches into a straight line exhibiting my anxiety and my overbite. The gun in my lap is making nervous. My heart races as I remember the soaring bullet at the Marcy’s house. One shot can kill. Crap.
“Sari, this man violently murdered your sister and aunt. He is a monster. All you need to do is hold this gun straight out…hold it straight with all of your strength and then pull the trigger. After you pull the trigger do not drop your position. Keeping holding the weapon tight in your grip. You can do this.” Brad speaks with such conviction.
“Okay. Thank you. You believe in me. And because of that I have faith in myself. I can do this.” I nod my head repeatedly. I am almost convinced.
“Good because we are here.” Brad stops the car.
What do I do? Do I run like a crazy person through the zoo shouting and screaming for Lizi? Do I wait in the car? Do I…
“You stay behind me.” Brad soberly forces my eye contact. I hold it. My breathing is deafening. Inhale, exhale. Oh god. “We are going to creep our way to the carousel. We have to sneak up on this guy. No matter what...you remain calm and do not rush past me. Got it?”
“Got it.” I whisper. Oh god.
We climb out of the car. Brad’s demeanor is determined. Mine is a little more apprehensive.
“Gun.” He points to my seat.
“Right.” I lift the gun off of my seat. I grip it tightly. I am a superhero. I am a superhero with a gun. Here we come Lizi. Here we come.
I cautiously trail Brad through the off limits grounds of the zoo. My bones rattle with every step. It is pitch black and freezing cold. I can hardly see a thing and I have no idea what is crackling under feet, slapping my head and scratching my legs.
An eerie breeze knocks the wind out of me. Visions of Ainslie’s mutilated body flicker in my mind. I violently shake my head, Out! I need to focus on Lizi. I must save Lizi. I couldn’t save you Ainslie. I am so sorry. Please Ainslie, please protect Lizi until we find her.
“Ready.” Brad exhales.
I nod. I firm up my grip on my weapon. A rush of confidence and sheer will surge through me. “Ready.”
Without hesitation Brad dashes through the darkness. I stomp loudly behind him. We hurdle over the bushes surrounding the carousel. We plant out feet and point our guns.
Where are you Lizi?
No immediate danger. The carousel is still. No one is here.
“LIZI!!!!!” A blood hurling scream escapes my vocal cords.
“Shhhh.” Brad whispers with scolding eyes.
“Ahhhh. Ahhhhh.” Hums in the air.
“Did you hear that!?!” I eagerly tug on Brad’s shirt.
“Ahhhh. Sar…. Ahhh.” In the ripple of the wind of the hum crescendos.
“Yes!” Brad darts in the direction of the hum. My legs take hold of me and guide me in the same direction.
To my surprise, I keep up with Brad. I jump onto the carousel, thrust my body over a horse and leap through a carriage. Adrenaline.
“Ahhh…Ahhhh.” The purr we are chasing is getting closer.
“Lizi!” A tear trickles down my cheek as I watch Brad drop to his knees. Lizi’s eyes are filled with utter fear. She is tied to the center of the carousel. She is shivering. She is naked.
“Do not be afraid Lizi. We are here. You are safe.” Brad’s voice is calm and encouraging. In one motion he rips the duck tape off of her mouth. “Is your attacker still here?”
Ugh. My stomach bottoms out. Is he still here? I squeeze my gun. I hope so.
“No.” Lizi whimpers. “No.”
Brad cuts the ropes and frees her. The rope burns on her body are so deep and thick they glow through the darkness. Lizi must be in so much pain. Although, I know the burns will not last as long as the emotion scars.
I sprint to her. I fall on top of her. I scoop her up in my arms. I sob. She sobs. “I’m here.”
“Sari…oh my god.” Lizi cries. Her fear and sadness melt into me. I want to harbor all of her pain. God, I wish I could.
I crawl out of my sweater and slide it over her head as I have done so many times before when we were little girls.
“Come on. We have to get out here.” Brad helps Lizi up…compassionately. Whatever the term is for bedside manner when it comes to cops…Brad has it. In spades. I seem to always have one eye on him. “Are you hurt?”
“No. No.” Lizi quietly responses.
“Okay. Can you run?” Asks Brad.
“I can.” I recognize her voice…it’s the voice of her 4 year old self. With this simple response Brad takes off.
Lizi and I frantically hurry to stay in Brad’s wake. We dunk, dive and thrash our abrupt get away out of the zoo. Unseen.
I slow down for just a second to help Lizi comfortably into the backseat. I flinch startled at the sound of scores of sirens racing by. My eyes shift to locate the whereabouts of this alarming sound. Swiveling lights are no where to be seen.
“Get in Sari! We gotta go.” Orders Brad without explanation.
I leap in the front. With the slam of my door Brad peels out onto a dark and desolate road.
“Shouldn’t we tell the police Lizi is okay?” I ask trying to make sense of everything.
“No. I have a plan.” Casually announces Brad.
“Me too.” I begin dialing my phone. “Sam…”
”No!” Brad snatches my phone out of my hand and disconnects the call.
“I’m putting this on the air and flushing out Hughes!” I blurt.
“Hughes?” Lizi murmurs. “You mean Hayes?”
“Lizi, it is so much worse then we thought.” I hang my head devastated to shed this light on Lizi. “It seems Detective Hughes and Dan Staley are involved in this.”
“Mark’s stepfather?” Lizi inquisitively interrupts.
“Yeah.” I sigh. “Ed Hayes innocent.”
Monday, December 7, 2009
NIP 29
“Sari.” Brad uneasily murmurs. “This is Hughes.” His dilated pupils swallow up his hazel irises. My stunned reflection is staring back at me.
“Did you say Hughes?” I stutter. Neither of us blink.
“Yes. Detective Hughes.” Brad’s straight face is as smooth as a 10 year old boy.
‘Glamourous. G.L.A.M…” Fergie is announcing a text from Lizi. Without hesitation I snatch my phone out of my back pocket.
Message 1
FROM: Lizi
Sounds great sis. I could use a twirl. C U soon.
“Wha…” My mouth agape. “See you soon. What is….why? What?” My forehead crinkles in utter confusion.
“Did you text her?” Brad harmonizes my perplexity. “Is she coming here?”
“No.” The panic launches in the tips of my toes. “I didn’t. Who is she responding to? Who is she meeting?”
The air thickens. My mouth dries up like a desert. I force myself to swallow….raw.
“What do I do???” My chest rises and lowers at a million miles per hour. My mind is racing. My emotions roll up in a ball. My phone feels like hot coal in my hand. “Should I text back? I should text back. I’m going to text back.”
“Wait.” Brad grabs my wrist. “If she is danger then texting could speed up his plans. We have to think this through. We have to consider all possibilities…”
“But..” I cut Brad, the detective, off. The sister in me needs to reach out to her right now. “She is texting me. She has her phone. She thinks we are meeting. She is on her way there. Or is she already there?” I think myself in circles. “Is she alone? What does this mean!!”
“You are onto something. Chances are she is not yet compromised.” Brad rubs his forehead. It crinkles up so tightly it looks painful. “Does her text mean anything to you?”
I reread the message. ‘I could use a twirl’. ‘Twirl.” What is she saying? Why am I not getting this? We talk code all the time. We are sisters for crying out loud. What is wrong with me! I cant give up. I lower my head and fix my eyes on the ground. Focus. Focus.
My eyes lock on the album dated 1983. Lizi would have been an infant in 1983. The same year my mother and who I thought was my father were killed…or rather murdered. Something inside me convinces me to randomly flip the album open. A picture of me and my sisters seems to be glowing. I press my lips together and fight back tears. We were just girls…happy little girls.
“Sari!” Brad startles me back to earth. “Oh shit on a shingle! Check it the fuck out!”
I follow Brad’s indignant index finger to a photo on the next page. The pictures shows the smiling faces of us girls, my mother, my father figure Evan, my aunt Clara, Detective Hughes and…oh my god. Dan Staley, Marks’ stepfather and retired public defender.
“That’s…” The wind has been knocked out of me.
“It’s Dan.” Brad whispers in revelation. “They’re dirty.”
“You mean…my mother…”
“I mean… Hughes is a dirtbag cop and Dan was a dirty lawyer. They are in this together. They took down Ed Hayes.” As Brad’s words hit the air they turn into truths.
“But why?” I stutter. “Why kill my mom and dad? And Ainslie, and Aunt Clara, and Marcy and whoever the hell else!”
“Exactly…why?” Brad taps his finger on the photo. “They framed Ed but why. And more importantly why did Ed let them?”
“The zoo!” I shout. “Oh my god. We gotta go.”
I spin in a frantic storm trying to gather the pertinent info of our search. I madly stuff photo after photo in my bag. I have been taken over by my epiphany. No time to talk we have to GO.
Brad kneels down to help. Without saying a word he follows my lead.
“Albums. Grab all the albums. Let’s go!” I hear myself and I sound hysterical like I am on the verge of hyperventilating. “Run!”
We make a mad dash out of the house. I do not even bother to stop running to lock Aunt Clara’s door. We are weighed down with all of our evidence. As we scurry through the front yard a couple of photos slip out of my bag and sail onto the grass. I stop to bend down and retrieve them. I gesture for Brad to keep running. We have 3 blocks to go and I want the car moving pronto.
Sweat gathers on my upper lip. My armpits are soaked. My hair line is dripping. This full body cool down is not because of our rapid pace but rather my spot on intuition.
The peeling out of the tires alerts me that Brad is driving right up to me. I glance up and in one Dukes of Hazard motion I leap in the car. He puts the petal to the metal and it feels like we are flying.
“The zoo?” He knowingly asks.
“Yes. The zoo.” I steadily inhale and exhale. I am so revved up and on edge I wish we were driving a Flintstone car so I could put all of my energy into this ride. “The twirl is the carousel. It’s a shared place we go to when we hit a snag in our lives. The good memories always seem to put it all in perspective.”
“My guess is this…either Hughes or Dan is behind this. They are meeting her there.” Brad never takes eyes of the road. It is almost as if he is in a trance. “We are going to catch this bastard red handed!”
“I think you are right. That photo…the one were looking at with them in it. It was taken at the zoo.” My voice is unshaken but my insides are a hot mess.
“Did you say Hughes?” I stutter. Neither of us blink.
“Yes. Detective Hughes.” Brad’s straight face is as smooth as a 10 year old boy.
‘Glamourous. G.L.A.M…” Fergie is announcing a text from Lizi. Without hesitation I snatch my phone out of my back pocket.
Message 1
FROM: Lizi
Sounds great sis. I could use a twirl. C U soon.
“Wha…” My mouth agape. “See you soon. What is….why? What?” My forehead crinkles in utter confusion.
“Did you text her?” Brad harmonizes my perplexity. “Is she coming here?”
“No.” The panic launches in the tips of my toes. “I didn’t. Who is she responding to? Who is she meeting?”
The air thickens. My mouth dries up like a desert. I force myself to swallow….raw.
“What do I do???” My chest rises and lowers at a million miles per hour. My mind is racing. My emotions roll up in a ball. My phone feels like hot coal in my hand. “Should I text back? I should text back. I’m going to text back.”
“Wait.” Brad grabs my wrist. “If she is danger then texting could speed up his plans. We have to think this through. We have to consider all possibilities…”
“But..” I cut Brad, the detective, off. The sister in me needs to reach out to her right now. “She is texting me. She has her phone. She thinks we are meeting. She is on her way there. Or is she already there?” I think myself in circles. “Is she alone? What does this mean!!”
“You are onto something. Chances are she is not yet compromised.” Brad rubs his forehead. It crinkles up so tightly it looks painful. “Does her text mean anything to you?”
I reread the message. ‘I could use a twirl’. ‘Twirl.” What is she saying? Why am I not getting this? We talk code all the time. We are sisters for crying out loud. What is wrong with me! I cant give up. I lower my head and fix my eyes on the ground. Focus. Focus.
My eyes lock on the album dated 1983. Lizi would have been an infant in 1983. The same year my mother and who I thought was my father were killed…or rather murdered. Something inside me convinces me to randomly flip the album open. A picture of me and my sisters seems to be glowing. I press my lips together and fight back tears. We were just girls…happy little girls.
“Sari!” Brad startles me back to earth. “Oh shit on a shingle! Check it the fuck out!”
I follow Brad’s indignant index finger to a photo on the next page. The pictures shows the smiling faces of us girls, my mother, my father figure Evan, my aunt Clara, Detective Hughes and…oh my god. Dan Staley, Marks’ stepfather and retired public defender.
“That’s…” The wind has been knocked out of me.
“It’s Dan.” Brad whispers in revelation. “They’re dirty.”
“You mean…my mother…”
“I mean… Hughes is a dirtbag cop and Dan was a dirty lawyer. They are in this together. They took down Ed Hayes.” As Brad’s words hit the air they turn into truths.
“But why?” I stutter. “Why kill my mom and dad? And Ainslie, and Aunt Clara, and Marcy and whoever the hell else!”
“Exactly…why?” Brad taps his finger on the photo. “They framed Ed but why. And more importantly why did Ed let them?”
“The zoo!” I shout. “Oh my god. We gotta go.”
I spin in a frantic storm trying to gather the pertinent info of our search. I madly stuff photo after photo in my bag. I have been taken over by my epiphany. No time to talk we have to GO.
Brad kneels down to help. Without saying a word he follows my lead.
“Albums. Grab all the albums. Let’s go!” I hear myself and I sound hysterical like I am on the verge of hyperventilating. “Run!”
We make a mad dash out of the house. I do not even bother to stop running to lock Aunt Clara’s door. We are weighed down with all of our evidence. As we scurry through the front yard a couple of photos slip out of my bag and sail onto the grass. I stop to bend down and retrieve them. I gesture for Brad to keep running. We have 3 blocks to go and I want the car moving pronto.
Sweat gathers on my upper lip. My armpits are soaked. My hair line is dripping. This full body cool down is not because of our rapid pace but rather my spot on intuition.
The peeling out of the tires alerts me that Brad is driving right up to me. I glance up and in one Dukes of Hazard motion I leap in the car. He puts the petal to the metal and it feels like we are flying.
“The zoo?” He knowingly asks.
“Yes. The zoo.” I steadily inhale and exhale. I am so revved up and on edge I wish we were driving a Flintstone car so I could put all of my energy into this ride. “The twirl is the carousel. It’s a shared place we go to when we hit a snag in our lives. The good memories always seem to put it all in perspective.”
“My guess is this…either Hughes or Dan is behind this. They are meeting her there.” Brad never takes eyes of the road. It is almost as if he is in a trance. “We are going to catch this bastard red handed!”
“I think you are right. That photo…the one were looking at with them in it. It was taken at the zoo.” My voice is unshaken but my insides are a hot mess.
Monday, November 30, 2009
NIP 28
Brad holds up a battered envelope. Amanda Hayes is written on the outside of the envelope. It is sealed. I snatch the envelope out of Brad’s hand. Without thought, I tear it open.
“Dear Amanda.” I evenly read aloud. “I love you so much my sweet baby girl. The only lesson I am able to teach you is this-Life is not always as it seems. I will live out my days missing you and wishing we had a much different ending. Please know in your heart I did not murder your mother and step-father. You will read articles and encounter people who will try to tell you otherwise. I am being punished for this crime and I chose this fate. I chose this fate to keep you safe and make this nightmare end. If you ever want to know me please come find me. I will always welcome you. This is your decision my sweet. I will wake every morning hoping to see you again and be given your understanding and love. When the time is right I will explain all of this to you my love. I love you with all my heart and soul. Your father, Ed.”
My lips rest. My eyes stay on my father’s cursive handwriting. Most father’s handwriting is so familiar to their children but not in my case. A tear threatens to escape down my cheek. I inhale…deeply, violently, mystified.
****************************************************************************
Oh Marcy. I am so sorry. You were the most wonderful person I ever knew. You didn’t deserve this! I choke on my tears. Rage consumes me. I sit helpless and pathetic tied to this chair. It is pitch black except for the TV inches from me…my only friend. My enemy.
This nightmare has been silent for hours now. I have no hope. This is nothing but the calm before the storm. Oh Amanda, where are you? Are you safe?
“You’re a prick baby.” His gruff and gruesome voice announces his presence. “Cry prick baby.”
“Fuck off.” Defiance is my new weapon. I have played along for years…for decades…and I am done.
“Ahh…acceptance of your situation. Nice.” His smirk is disgusting. My muscles flex under these ropes. I grit my teeth and fight the pain trying to break free. “Ha. Ha. Weak. Weak. Weak. You are weak.”
“Oh no. You are a weak piece of shit!” I spit in his face. He lunges forward. My face stings from his powerful strike. I taste blood.
“Like that!” His eyes are wild with lunacy. “Want more?!?”
“I kept your secrets and lies all of these years. So why…why now are you eliminating everyone in my life.” I roll my tongue over my teeth to ensure he did not knock any out.
“In your life. HA! What life? Please. Spare me the psycho babble. You know exactly who I am and what I am capable of.” He hisses.
“Bravo. Bravo.” My blood boils. I switch tactics. I need to get to his level in order to reserve manipulate. This man has turned being a sociopath into an art form. I must think faster on my feet to outsmart this fucker.
“Alright. I’ll bite. I’ll tell you everything. You’re dead anyway.” He nonchalantly crouches next me. His vicious energy penetrates my skin. His breath burns my nostrils. “Too many connections threaten my secret. How was I to ever predict Sari Clarke would get so close to me.?. Ha. Fuckin’ funny! And thus…everyone near it...near me must be removed. I’ve made it this far. And I REFUSE to lose.”
“Asshole!” My veins pump thick out of my neck. I lose my cool. Amanda cannot be punished for any of this…a mere coincidence. I scream until my throat is raw. “You win! You win! You win! You win! You always have. You are a sick bastard. You are as twisted as those you put in prison.”
“Nah.” To my dismay, he is cool as a cucumber. “I get shit done.”
He coolly saunters out in the footsteps he entered. With a sinister hiss he says, “Don’t take your eyes of that screen. Breaking news…BAM!”
His menacing snigger echoes his departure.
**************************************************************************
My fingers anxiously fumble sorting through thousands of photos, letters, memos, magnets and scraps of paper. The tips of them are raw. We have been edgily hunkered down over these boxes for hours. Countless hours. All contents are haphazardly strewn about. I no longer have any desire to leave Aunt Clara’s personal effects in tact. I tender the same respect for her items as she has my life.
“Sar, slow down.” Brad sympathetically rests his hands on my knotted shoulders. “Let’s take a break.”
“Can’t. Won’t. Ed is innocent. I can’t fucking believe this.” I pant. I rant. “Aunt Clara is somehow responsible for all of this. My gut knows it. Look at all this crap! Who in the world has this much compiled junk? She is hiding something! She is destroying my family. Has destroyed…”
“My gut is not so sure.” Brad swallows in trepidation.
I aggressively pivot shocked.
“Are you having temporary memory loss???” My pitch is piled high with derision.
Brad composedly clears his throat.
“That letter from Ed was unopened. Consider this…if she was behind all of this then she would have read the letter and then burned it. She would have disposed of all the evidence of betrayal and admission of innocence and/or guilt. Follow me? She didn’t know. She thought Ed was guilty. I am sure of it.” With renewed determination Brad kneels before a box, his eyes spotlight its contents as his theory uninvitedly forces its way into my thought process. “She was saving that letter for you.”
“She never gave it to me!” I am indignant. My fingers stiffened into fists. I bang on the mound of boxes in my wingspan.
“There is more to story. We’ll find it.” Brad’s eyes are kind. They are begging for my patience and cooperation. “We’ll find it.”
I defiantly say nothing and resume my tireless dig. I belligerently sigh with a juvenile roll of my eyes. I catch a glimpse of fanned photo albums fallen from the pile of boxes I knocked over. I free one album. The album is dated 1973. I toss it to the side. I pick up another album…it is dated 1974. And 1975. And 1976. And 1977.
“Brad…look.” I confidently present the albums. This is it. I know it. I feel it. I am sure. I found it! I have no words to express my triumph.
“Holy shit. Open them!” His face eagerly lights up.
I push our search debris aside. I conscientiously lay out the 1979 album. The year I was born. Cheek to cheek we impatiently hover over each page of the album. The photographs are dingy and yellow. The people look like they are dressed in costumes. Even my mother and aunt are barely recognizable to me with outdated hairstyles and fashion.
“There’s Ed!” I shriek. Ed is leaning against a blue Volkswagen Bug. His emerald eyes caught my attention…despite the photo’s distortion they remain so green. Just like mine. His hair is tossled. His smile is magnificent. The corners of my mouth involuntarily try to turn up.
“Yes!” Brad nearly applauds. “We got it. We are on track now. Is this Aunt Clara?” Brad points to a picture of my Aunt sitting on some guy’s lap. The photo gives off a promiscuous vibe. Something strikes me as odd about this picture.
“Yeah, that’s her. But something is off.” To get a closer look I slip the photo out of its cover. The photo is so small. Much smaller than even a 3”x 5”. I zoom in on my Aunt. What is weird about this photo of her? My vision pans left on the man. I prickle. That’s it. “This guy is familiar.”
“Really? Who is he?” Brad asks.
I shrug.
Brad takes the photo out of my hand. His fingers graze mine and the electricity is palpable. “Whoa!”
“What?” I attempt to regain composure quickly as if Brad can read my thoughts. He didn’t…right?
“Sari.” Brad uneasily murmurs. “This is Hughes.” His dilated pupils swallow up his hazel irises. My stunned reflection is staring back at me.
“Did you say Hughes?” I stutter. Neither of us blink.
“Yes. Detective Hughes.” Brad’s straight face is as smooth as a 10 year old boy.
‘Glamourous. G.L.A.M…” Fergie is announcing a text from Lizi. Without hesitation I snatch my phone out of my back pocket.
Message 1
FROM: Lizi
Sounds great sis. I could use a twirl. C U soon.
“Wha…” My mouth agape. “See you soon. What is….why? What?” My forehead crinkles in utter confusion.
“Did you text her?” Brad harmonizes my perplexity. “Is she coming here?”
“No.” The panic launches in the tips of my toes. “I didn’t. Who is she responding to? Who is she meeting?”
“Dear Amanda.” I evenly read aloud. “I love you so much my sweet baby girl. The only lesson I am able to teach you is this-Life is not always as it seems. I will live out my days missing you and wishing we had a much different ending. Please know in your heart I did not murder your mother and step-father. You will read articles and encounter people who will try to tell you otherwise. I am being punished for this crime and I chose this fate. I chose this fate to keep you safe and make this nightmare end. If you ever want to know me please come find me. I will always welcome you. This is your decision my sweet. I will wake every morning hoping to see you again and be given your understanding and love. When the time is right I will explain all of this to you my love. I love you with all my heart and soul. Your father, Ed.”
My lips rest. My eyes stay on my father’s cursive handwriting. Most father’s handwriting is so familiar to their children but not in my case. A tear threatens to escape down my cheek. I inhale…deeply, violently, mystified.
****************************************************************************
Oh Marcy. I am so sorry. You were the most wonderful person I ever knew. You didn’t deserve this! I choke on my tears. Rage consumes me. I sit helpless and pathetic tied to this chair. It is pitch black except for the TV inches from me…my only friend. My enemy.
This nightmare has been silent for hours now. I have no hope. This is nothing but the calm before the storm. Oh Amanda, where are you? Are you safe?
“You’re a prick baby.” His gruff and gruesome voice announces his presence. “Cry prick baby.”
“Fuck off.” Defiance is my new weapon. I have played along for years…for decades…and I am done.
“Ahh…acceptance of your situation. Nice.” His smirk is disgusting. My muscles flex under these ropes. I grit my teeth and fight the pain trying to break free. “Ha. Ha. Weak. Weak. Weak. You are weak.”
“Oh no. You are a weak piece of shit!” I spit in his face. He lunges forward. My face stings from his powerful strike. I taste blood.
“Like that!” His eyes are wild with lunacy. “Want more?!?”
“I kept your secrets and lies all of these years. So why…why now are you eliminating everyone in my life.” I roll my tongue over my teeth to ensure he did not knock any out.
“In your life. HA! What life? Please. Spare me the psycho babble. You know exactly who I am and what I am capable of.” He hisses.
“Bravo. Bravo.” My blood boils. I switch tactics. I need to get to his level in order to reserve manipulate. This man has turned being a sociopath into an art form. I must think faster on my feet to outsmart this fucker.
“Alright. I’ll bite. I’ll tell you everything. You’re dead anyway.” He nonchalantly crouches next me. His vicious energy penetrates my skin. His breath burns my nostrils. “Too many connections threaten my secret. How was I to ever predict Sari Clarke would get so close to me.?. Ha. Fuckin’ funny! And thus…everyone near it...near me must be removed. I’ve made it this far. And I REFUSE to lose.”
“Asshole!” My veins pump thick out of my neck. I lose my cool. Amanda cannot be punished for any of this…a mere coincidence. I scream until my throat is raw. “You win! You win! You win! You win! You always have. You are a sick bastard. You are as twisted as those you put in prison.”
“Nah.” To my dismay, he is cool as a cucumber. “I get shit done.”
He coolly saunters out in the footsteps he entered. With a sinister hiss he says, “Don’t take your eyes of that screen. Breaking news…BAM!”
His menacing snigger echoes his departure.
**************************************************************************
My fingers anxiously fumble sorting through thousands of photos, letters, memos, magnets and scraps of paper. The tips of them are raw. We have been edgily hunkered down over these boxes for hours. Countless hours. All contents are haphazardly strewn about. I no longer have any desire to leave Aunt Clara’s personal effects in tact. I tender the same respect for her items as she has my life.
“Sar, slow down.” Brad sympathetically rests his hands on my knotted shoulders. “Let’s take a break.”
“Can’t. Won’t. Ed is innocent. I can’t fucking believe this.” I pant. I rant. “Aunt Clara is somehow responsible for all of this. My gut knows it. Look at all this crap! Who in the world has this much compiled junk? She is hiding something! She is destroying my family. Has destroyed…”
“My gut is not so sure.” Brad swallows in trepidation.
I aggressively pivot shocked.
“Are you having temporary memory loss???” My pitch is piled high with derision.
Brad composedly clears his throat.
“That letter from Ed was unopened. Consider this…if she was behind all of this then she would have read the letter and then burned it. She would have disposed of all the evidence of betrayal and admission of innocence and/or guilt. Follow me? She didn’t know. She thought Ed was guilty. I am sure of it.” With renewed determination Brad kneels before a box, his eyes spotlight its contents as his theory uninvitedly forces its way into my thought process. “She was saving that letter for you.”
“She never gave it to me!” I am indignant. My fingers stiffened into fists. I bang on the mound of boxes in my wingspan.
“There is more to story. We’ll find it.” Brad’s eyes are kind. They are begging for my patience and cooperation. “We’ll find it.”
I defiantly say nothing and resume my tireless dig. I belligerently sigh with a juvenile roll of my eyes. I catch a glimpse of fanned photo albums fallen from the pile of boxes I knocked over. I free one album. The album is dated 1973. I toss it to the side. I pick up another album…it is dated 1974. And 1975. And 1976. And 1977.
“Brad…look.” I confidently present the albums. This is it. I know it. I feel it. I am sure. I found it! I have no words to express my triumph.
“Holy shit. Open them!” His face eagerly lights up.
I push our search debris aside. I conscientiously lay out the 1979 album. The year I was born. Cheek to cheek we impatiently hover over each page of the album. The photographs are dingy and yellow. The people look like they are dressed in costumes. Even my mother and aunt are barely recognizable to me with outdated hairstyles and fashion.
“There’s Ed!” I shriek. Ed is leaning against a blue Volkswagen Bug. His emerald eyes caught my attention…despite the photo’s distortion they remain so green. Just like mine. His hair is tossled. His smile is magnificent. The corners of my mouth involuntarily try to turn up.
“Yes!” Brad nearly applauds. “We got it. We are on track now. Is this Aunt Clara?” Brad points to a picture of my Aunt sitting on some guy’s lap. The photo gives off a promiscuous vibe. Something strikes me as odd about this picture.
“Yeah, that’s her. But something is off.” To get a closer look I slip the photo out of its cover. The photo is so small. Much smaller than even a 3”x 5”. I zoom in on my Aunt. What is weird about this photo of her? My vision pans left on the man. I prickle. That’s it. “This guy is familiar.”
“Really? Who is he?” Brad asks.
I shrug.
Brad takes the photo out of my hand. His fingers graze mine and the electricity is palpable. “Whoa!”
“What?” I attempt to regain composure quickly as if Brad can read my thoughts. He didn’t…right?
“Sari.” Brad uneasily murmurs. “This is Hughes.” His dilated pupils swallow up his hazel irises. My stunned reflection is staring back at me.
“Did you say Hughes?” I stutter. Neither of us blink.
“Yes. Detective Hughes.” Brad’s straight face is as smooth as a 10 year old boy.
‘Glamourous. G.L.A.M…” Fergie is announcing a text from Lizi. Without hesitation I snatch my phone out of my back pocket.
Message 1
FROM: Lizi
Sounds great sis. I could use a twirl. C U soon.
“Wha…” My mouth agape. “See you soon. What is….why? What?” My forehead crinkles in utter confusion.
“Did you text her?” Brad harmonizes my perplexity. “Is she coming here?”
“No.” The panic launches in the tips of my toes. “I didn’t. Who is she responding to? Who is she meeting?”
Sunday, November 22, 2009
NIP 27
“Ha. Cute. No. He keeps calling your mom a ‘cop fucker.’ So it seems Ed Hayes was not the only cop she had a thing for or possibly with.” Brad clicks his tongue as punctuation. “And he keeps talking about Dan. His stepfather knows something. He is in deep. I promise you.”
“Shit.” I say blankly. Again.
“Clara must have some old photos or some effects from your mother. We need to dig up your mother’s past. Our answers can only come from her.” Brad is so sure of himself. I am sure of nothing.
**************************************************************************
Although we are convinced we are doing the right thing we decide to discreetly park the car three blocks from Aunt Clara’s house. I secretly wish I was wearing running shoes in case we have to book it out of there. At this point I only plan for the worst possible scenario.
We attempt to move unseen so we creep along the bushes curving up around Aunt Clara’s house. I present my house key. I briefly pause before handing it to Brad. Suddenly I am bit nervous about what we will find inside. I have not been here since I saw my wonderful Aunt bloody on her kitchen floor. What if the cops turned the place upside down? What if this house no longer feels like the safe haven I grew up in? What if Aunt Clara is to blame for all of this? What is my room has been ransacked? What if Ainslie’s or Lizi’s room is…LIZI.
“Brad.” I whisper as he turns the key in the backdoor. “I have to call Lizi.”
“Hold on. Let’s get inside.” He pushes the door open.
I hold my breath. I squeeze my eyes shut. I summon strength. Go inside. Go inside and find your truth…whatever it may be.
I seize Brad’s hand. He accepts and takes my hand. He cradles it. We stand still in the kitchen and assess the situation we have intentionally place ourselves in. The floor has an outline of Aunt Clara’s body. Chills race up my spine. Although, this seems to be the worst of the police activity left behind. Thank goodness. I can’t bare anymore destruction at this point. As I think this I know it is only wishful thinking.
“Okay. They left her house intact.” Brad sighs with relief. “This is good because we are one step ahead of them. Or whoever is playing this game.”
I stare blankly. This blank look has become synonymous with my face.
“Meaning…it is unlikely that Aunt Clara’s belongings have been touched and if there is anything to find connecting Clara and/or your mother to this then we will find it…first.” Brad’s eyebrows rise in satisfaction.
“Ugh. I feel like I am in a movie.” My stomach churns.
“Ahhh yeah you are little lady. Write this down and I pretty much guarantee you can get Bradley Cooper to play me.” Brad winks.
“Stop it!” I silence my giggles. “You are distracting me. I’m fidgety and nervous…I cannot laugh right now.”
“Okay.” Brad pushes my curls behind my ear with a half grin. “Where does Clara keep her personal effects? Does she have a file cabinet? An office?”
“Yes. She has an office. Let’s start there. I rarely ever went there so I have no idea where to start looking for secrets and lies.” I recall. “Oh and she also has a few stashed boxes in the back of her closet.”
On tiptoes I guide Brad to Aunt Clara’s office. It seems dead. Lifeless. It is true, I rarely spent time in here. This was Aunt Clara’s solitude. Her alone. Her thinking space. Perhaps her hiding place?
The walls are lined with book shelves making it feel uncomfortably small for more than one occupant. Brad and I accidently elbow each other with even the slightest budge. I nearly jump out of my skin. Every bump startles me. I am edgy.
“Was she a horder?” Brad asks as he scans the stacks of papers, books, photos, random items. “Pet rocks?”
“Yeah.” I don’t fight my smile. “I gave her all of these. It was our thing.”
“Oh. Maybe I should consider this as evidence before I get involved with you?” Brad teases. God, he looks handsome in every light but I can’t help but notice especially so in this eerie and shadowy setting.
“Stop it!” I giggle and press my body up against his. “Although detective I may have cracked your code? You want to date me.”
“When you stand this close to me I cannot deny the charges.” I feel his cheeks heat up. Brad is certainly turned on by me. However, the romance is lost in my laughter. “Okay…back up. He’s gone. You shunned him and he left.”
I laugh so hard I actually lose my balance. I catch my fall on Aunt Clara’s desk. I crash down hard causing her left lower drawer to pop open.
“Let’s start here.” Brad reaches down into the drawer with a target in mind. “I spy a lock.”
Brad’s dig reveals a shiny metal lock box. Lock being the operative word.
“I’ll find the key.” I immediately offer and begin searching through Aunt Clara’s middle desk drawer. My fingers fumble over pens, tacks, rubber bands, paper clips…everything but a key.
“Nah. I’ll smash it.” Brad says as his right arm rises above his head aiming at the box on the floor. He has a pet rock in his hand. It’s the green lizard one I gave Aunt Clara the Christmas of ’87. I want to yell ‘noooo.’ But quickly realize chipping one pet rock is for the greater good.
Brad successfully breaks the lock off of the metal lock box. We kneel down and suspiciously lift open the top of the box. It is jam packed with papers and photos. In an effort to be thorough we spread the papers on the floor.
We have stumbled upon Aunt Clara’s box of legal documents. My birth certificate is in front of me. The original one. The one naming me Amanda Hayes. There is also a birth certificate naming me Sari Clarke. Father…Evan Clarke. This fake is also certified. Brad and I exchange glances asking the same question – how did they pull of getting this certified? Is this fraud?
We sift through Ainslie’s, Lizi’s and Clara’s important paperwork. Social security cards, fingers prints, a few photos. Nothing pertaining to the issue at hand! Crap. Brad’s face falls.
“Wait!” He exclaims. “What is this?”
Brad holds up a battered envelope. Amanda Hayes is written on the outside of the envelope. It is sealed. I snatch the envelope out of Brad’s hand. With thought, I tear it open.
“Dear Amanda.” I evenly read aloud. “I love you so much my sweet baby girl. The only lesson I am able to teach you is this-Life is not always as it seems. I will live out my days missing you and wishing we had a much different ending. Please know in your heart I did not murder your mother and step-father. You will read articles and encounter people who will try to tell you otherwise. I am being punished for this crime and I chose this fate. I chose this fate to keep you safe and make this nightmare end. If you ever want to know me please come find me. I will always welcome you. This is your decision my sweet. I will wake every morning hoping to see you again and be given your understanding and love. When the time is right I will explain all of this to you my love. I love you with all my heart and soul. Your father, Ed.”
My lips rest. My eyes stay on my father’s cursive handwriting. Most father’s handwriting is so familiar to their children but not in my case. A tear threatens to escape down my cheek. I inhale…deeply, violently, mystified.
“Shit.” I say blankly. Again.
“Clara must have some old photos or some effects from your mother. We need to dig up your mother’s past. Our answers can only come from her.” Brad is so sure of himself. I am sure of nothing.
**************************************************************************
Although we are convinced we are doing the right thing we decide to discreetly park the car three blocks from Aunt Clara’s house. I secretly wish I was wearing running shoes in case we have to book it out of there. At this point I only plan for the worst possible scenario.
We attempt to move unseen so we creep along the bushes curving up around Aunt Clara’s house. I present my house key. I briefly pause before handing it to Brad. Suddenly I am bit nervous about what we will find inside. I have not been here since I saw my wonderful Aunt bloody on her kitchen floor. What if the cops turned the place upside down? What if this house no longer feels like the safe haven I grew up in? What if Aunt Clara is to blame for all of this? What is my room has been ransacked? What if Ainslie’s or Lizi’s room is…LIZI.
“Brad.” I whisper as he turns the key in the backdoor. “I have to call Lizi.”
“Hold on. Let’s get inside.” He pushes the door open.
I hold my breath. I squeeze my eyes shut. I summon strength. Go inside. Go inside and find your truth…whatever it may be.
I seize Brad’s hand. He accepts and takes my hand. He cradles it. We stand still in the kitchen and assess the situation we have intentionally place ourselves in. The floor has an outline of Aunt Clara’s body. Chills race up my spine. Although, this seems to be the worst of the police activity left behind. Thank goodness. I can’t bare anymore destruction at this point. As I think this I know it is only wishful thinking.
“Okay. They left her house intact.” Brad sighs with relief. “This is good because we are one step ahead of them. Or whoever is playing this game.”
I stare blankly. This blank look has become synonymous with my face.
“Meaning…it is unlikely that Aunt Clara’s belongings have been touched and if there is anything to find connecting Clara and/or your mother to this then we will find it…first.” Brad’s eyebrows rise in satisfaction.
“Ugh. I feel like I am in a movie.” My stomach churns.
“Ahhh yeah you are little lady. Write this down and I pretty much guarantee you can get Bradley Cooper to play me.” Brad winks.
“Stop it!” I silence my giggles. “You are distracting me. I’m fidgety and nervous…I cannot laugh right now.”
“Okay.” Brad pushes my curls behind my ear with a half grin. “Where does Clara keep her personal effects? Does she have a file cabinet? An office?”
“Yes. She has an office. Let’s start there. I rarely ever went there so I have no idea where to start looking for secrets and lies.” I recall. “Oh and she also has a few stashed boxes in the back of her closet.”
On tiptoes I guide Brad to Aunt Clara’s office. It seems dead. Lifeless. It is true, I rarely spent time in here. This was Aunt Clara’s solitude. Her alone. Her thinking space. Perhaps her hiding place?
The walls are lined with book shelves making it feel uncomfortably small for more than one occupant. Brad and I accidently elbow each other with even the slightest budge. I nearly jump out of my skin. Every bump startles me. I am edgy.
“Was she a horder?” Brad asks as he scans the stacks of papers, books, photos, random items. “Pet rocks?”
“Yeah.” I don’t fight my smile. “I gave her all of these. It was our thing.”
“Oh. Maybe I should consider this as evidence before I get involved with you?” Brad teases. God, he looks handsome in every light but I can’t help but notice especially so in this eerie and shadowy setting.
“Stop it!” I giggle and press my body up against his. “Although detective I may have cracked your code? You want to date me.”
“When you stand this close to me I cannot deny the charges.” I feel his cheeks heat up. Brad is certainly turned on by me. However, the romance is lost in my laughter. “Okay…back up. He’s gone. You shunned him and he left.”
I laugh so hard I actually lose my balance. I catch my fall on Aunt Clara’s desk. I crash down hard causing her left lower drawer to pop open.
“Let’s start here.” Brad reaches down into the drawer with a target in mind. “I spy a lock.”
Brad’s dig reveals a shiny metal lock box. Lock being the operative word.
“I’ll find the key.” I immediately offer and begin searching through Aunt Clara’s middle desk drawer. My fingers fumble over pens, tacks, rubber bands, paper clips…everything but a key.
“Nah. I’ll smash it.” Brad says as his right arm rises above his head aiming at the box on the floor. He has a pet rock in his hand. It’s the green lizard one I gave Aunt Clara the Christmas of ’87. I want to yell ‘noooo.’ But quickly realize chipping one pet rock is for the greater good.
Brad successfully breaks the lock off of the metal lock box. We kneel down and suspiciously lift open the top of the box. It is jam packed with papers and photos. In an effort to be thorough we spread the papers on the floor.
We have stumbled upon Aunt Clara’s box of legal documents. My birth certificate is in front of me. The original one. The one naming me Amanda Hayes. There is also a birth certificate naming me Sari Clarke. Father…Evan Clarke. This fake is also certified. Brad and I exchange glances asking the same question – how did they pull of getting this certified? Is this fraud?
We sift through Ainslie’s, Lizi’s and Clara’s important paperwork. Social security cards, fingers prints, a few photos. Nothing pertaining to the issue at hand! Crap. Brad’s face falls.
“Wait!” He exclaims. “What is this?”
Brad holds up a battered envelope. Amanda Hayes is written on the outside of the envelope. It is sealed. I snatch the envelope out of Brad’s hand. With thought, I tear it open.
“Dear Amanda.” I evenly read aloud. “I love you so much my sweet baby girl. The only lesson I am able to teach you is this-Life is not always as it seems. I will live out my days missing you and wishing we had a much different ending. Please know in your heart I did not murder your mother and step-father. You will read articles and encounter people who will try to tell you otherwise. I am being punished for this crime and I chose this fate. I chose this fate to keep you safe and make this nightmare end. If you ever want to know me please come find me. I will always welcome you. This is your decision my sweet. I will wake every morning hoping to see you again and be given your understanding and love. When the time is right I will explain all of this to you my love. I love you with all my heart and soul. Your father, Ed.”
My lips rest. My eyes stay on my father’s cursive handwriting. Most father’s handwriting is so familiar to their children but not in my case. A tear threatens to escape down my cheek. I inhale…deeply, violently, mystified.
Monday, November 9, 2009
NIP 26
“Oh Sari. I have wanted you since the day I met you.” Brad holds my cheek in his hand. I melt. My entire being experiences a sensation unknown to me. I am lost in his eyes and his touch. It feels so good. “I never knew how to…”
“Ahhh!” I nearly jump out of my skin. The glass crashes and scatters all over us. Brad instantly dives out of the car with fists blazing.
I freeze…staring at the glass in my lap. My eyes cautiously travel to the glass all over my arms. Am I cut? Oh my god, am I bleeding? Is Brad?
“What the fuck!” I hear Brad holler. I jolt at the echo of knuckles cracking cheekbones. Whose? Who is out there? Is Brad okay?
“You no good piece of shit!” A male voice roars. Something about that voice is oddly familiar to me. “Sari is a cop whore just like her mother! You all deserve what you get!”
Mark!?! I immediately snap out of my trance. Mark!?! Mark broke the back window?
“Mark!” With shock and horror I poke my head over the car. Brad and Mark are brutally twisted together…punching, kicking, cussing. They are covered in each other’s blood and sweat. Dear god. “Stop!!!”
To my surprise they freeze. Like deer caught in headlights four wide eyes stare back at me.
I barely recognize Mark. His eyes are wild and his appearance disheveled. His coloring is pale, his clothes are in disarray and his energy is jaded. I can hardly believe this is the man who I agreed to marry…was so blessed to marry…couldn’t wait to marry. The man whose life I was so eager to share. The man I would spend the rest of my life with. Is the person I am seeing right now…right before my eyes…is this man the real Mark?
“What are you doing here?” I meant to scream but my voice is quiet and low. Seeing this vulnerable and violent man actually invokes pity in me. Pity I was unprepared for to feel for him.
“Trying to protect you!” He seethes. “Why? Why am I doing that?? I have no fucking clue.” Mark breaks from Brad’s grip and punches the air. He huffs and puffs in circles.
“I don’t even know what to say…” I slowly come around the car and approach them.
“Who do you two think you are? Some sort of perverted Bonnie and Clyde?” He pauses with his arms in the air looking as if he has truly lost his mind. “I should have blown you both to bits at Marcy’s?”
“Marcy’s?” Brad and I stutter in unison.
“Oh god.” I swallow hard. Is Mark the killer? Not until now did I even consider this a possibly. My blood goes cold and I fear Brad and I are in serious trouble.
“You were at Marcy’s?” Brad asks point blank. Good god he is calm under pressure.
“Yeah. I know about her and Ed Hayes.” Mark says matter-of- factly…almost sarcastically.
“Is that why you killed her?” Brad calmly slithers towards Mark…ready to pounce. “She had something on you. Truth about Hayes? Your involvement?”
“What!?! No!” Mark nearly giggles. “I was trying to protect you! God damnit Sari! Wake up.”
“Protect me?” I am baffled. From Marcy?
“This is all getting so out of control. Who knew Ed would be released and start murdering everyone.” As Mark speaks I see sadness creep in his eyes. “My stepfather knew…he is the one who was so adamant about keeping Ed in prison for good.”
“There is no way Marcy committed suicide. You know that.” I confide.
“She did.” His eyes turn their familiar blue. He is being honest. “She must have been crushed to find out Ed had been lying to her all of these years. He had zero intention of running away with her. He only wanted revenge.”
“But…I don’t…”
“Just keep your distance Mark.” Brad cuts me off. An unspoken force between us tells me he did this on purpose. I have faith and shut it. The palm of Brad’s hand on the small of my back guides me to his car.
“Sari…please Sari. Come with me.” Tears fill Mark eyes as he reaches out his hand to me. “Can we please work through this together? I love you so much. I was only trying to protect you. From the bottom of my heart I thought I was doing the right thing. I really did. You have to believe me.”
“Mark.” I hush him fearing he could go on pleading like this forever. My heart feels nothing. Well nothing but sympathy for him. I truly wish at moments like these I had a tiny bit of hard wiring to be a cold-hearted bitch. But I don’t. He hurt me but I still don’t want to hurt him. Not more than I have to.
“We are so good together. This will only bring us closer…”
“No Mark. I’m sorry. I need to figure this out on my own. I need answers.” I step away from him. Out of his force field.
“I can give you answers. I have told you everything. They will catch Ed and this will be over.” He wipes a tear from his eye. This gesture physically makes me nauseous. My gut telling me I cannot trust this guy.
“I’m sorry.” Is all I can say. At least for now.
“Oh.” I literally witness a shift in his demeanor. “Sorry that you are a cop fucker just like your mother! Watch out Brad. You are the first but history tells me you are not the last.”
His rage propels him in to his car before Brad and I can even utter a syllable. His slamming car door announces we are too late for any rebuttal. He peels out of our lives as fast and dramatically as he entered.
“Clara’s. Get in.” Brad instructs with what seems like giddiness. Odd.
I do as I am told. Brad starts the engine and we are off. I fidget trying to arrange my thoughts. I want to discuss the surreal scene that just took place. But I feel so incoherent.
“I cut you off because Mark is in the dark.” Brad offers. I wonder if I am this transparent to everyone. “He has been and probably is being used. We need to figure out by whom.”
“Oh god.” I groan.
“Oh no. Do not go feeling sorry for dum dum. Yes, someone is leaving him in the dark but he knows it. And he has known it was wrong all along. Which is why he is backpedaling so fast trying to get it cleaned up.” Brad exhales like the Olympic champion of the 100 meter dash.
“Shit.” I say blankly.
“It’s a lot to digest. I know. But he is dropping clues left and right.”
“He is playing a cat and mouse game with us?” My inability to keep up with Brad’s train of thought is making me feel like English is not my first language.
“Ha. Cute. No. He keeps calling your mom a ‘cop fucker.’ So it seems Ed Hayes was not the only cop she had a thing for or possibly with.” Brad clicks his tongue as punctuation. “And he keeps talking about Dan. His stepfather knows something. He is in deep. I promise you.”
“Shit.” I say blankly. Again.
“Clara must have some old photos or some effects from your mother. We need to dig up your mother’s past. Our answers can only come from her.” Brad is so sure of himself. I am sure of nothing.
*************************************************************************
“Ahhh!” I nearly jump out of my skin. The glass crashes and scatters all over us. Brad instantly dives out of the car with fists blazing.
I freeze…staring at the glass in my lap. My eyes cautiously travel to the glass all over my arms. Am I cut? Oh my god, am I bleeding? Is Brad?
“What the fuck!” I hear Brad holler. I jolt at the echo of knuckles cracking cheekbones. Whose? Who is out there? Is Brad okay?
“You no good piece of shit!” A male voice roars. Something about that voice is oddly familiar to me. “Sari is a cop whore just like her mother! You all deserve what you get!”
Mark!?! I immediately snap out of my trance. Mark!?! Mark broke the back window?
“Mark!” With shock and horror I poke my head over the car. Brad and Mark are brutally twisted together…punching, kicking, cussing. They are covered in each other’s blood and sweat. Dear god. “Stop!!!”
To my surprise they freeze. Like deer caught in headlights four wide eyes stare back at me.
I barely recognize Mark. His eyes are wild and his appearance disheveled. His coloring is pale, his clothes are in disarray and his energy is jaded. I can hardly believe this is the man who I agreed to marry…was so blessed to marry…couldn’t wait to marry. The man whose life I was so eager to share. The man I would spend the rest of my life with. Is the person I am seeing right now…right before my eyes…is this man the real Mark?
“What are you doing here?” I meant to scream but my voice is quiet and low. Seeing this vulnerable and violent man actually invokes pity in me. Pity I was unprepared for to feel for him.
“Trying to protect you!” He seethes. “Why? Why am I doing that?? I have no fucking clue.” Mark breaks from Brad’s grip and punches the air. He huffs and puffs in circles.
“I don’t even know what to say…” I slowly come around the car and approach them.
“Who do you two think you are? Some sort of perverted Bonnie and Clyde?” He pauses with his arms in the air looking as if he has truly lost his mind. “I should have blown you both to bits at Marcy’s?”
“Marcy’s?” Brad and I stutter in unison.
“Oh god.” I swallow hard. Is Mark the killer? Not until now did I even consider this a possibly. My blood goes cold and I fear Brad and I are in serious trouble.
“You were at Marcy’s?” Brad asks point blank. Good god he is calm under pressure.
“Yeah. I know about her and Ed Hayes.” Mark says matter-of- factly…almost sarcastically.
“Is that why you killed her?” Brad calmly slithers towards Mark…ready to pounce. “She had something on you. Truth about Hayes? Your involvement?”
“What!?! No!” Mark nearly giggles. “I was trying to protect you! God damnit Sari! Wake up.”
“Protect me?” I am baffled. From Marcy?
“This is all getting so out of control. Who knew Ed would be released and start murdering everyone.” As Mark speaks I see sadness creep in his eyes. “My stepfather knew…he is the one who was so adamant about keeping Ed in prison for good.”
“There is no way Marcy committed suicide. You know that.” I confide.
“She did.” His eyes turn their familiar blue. He is being honest. “She must have been crushed to find out Ed had been lying to her all of these years. He had zero intention of running away with her. He only wanted revenge.”
“But…I don’t…”
“Just keep your distance Mark.” Brad cuts me off. An unspoken force between us tells me he did this on purpose. I have faith and shut it. The palm of Brad’s hand on the small of my back guides me to his car.
“Sari…please Sari. Come with me.” Tears fill Mark eyes as he reaches out his hand to me. “Can we please work through this together? I love you so much. I was only trying to protect you. From the bottom of my heart I thought I was doing the right thing. I really did. You have to believe me.”
“Mark.” I hush him fearing he could go on pleading like this forever. My heart feels nothing. Well nothing but sympathy for him. I truly wish at moments like these I had a tiny bit of hard wiring to be a cold-hearted bitch. But I don’t. He hurt me but I still don’t want to hurt him. Not more than I have to.
“We are so good together. This will only bring us closer…”
“No Mark. I’m sorry. I need to figure this out on my own. I need answers.” I step away from him. Out of his force field.
“I can give you answers. I have told you everything. They will catch Ed and this will be over.” He wipes a tear from his eye. This gesture physically makes me nauseous. My gut telling me I cannot trust this guy.
“I’m sorry.” Is all I can say. At least for now.
“Oh.” I literally witness a shift in his demeanor. “Sorry that you are a cop fucker just like your mother! Watch out Brad. You are the first but history tells me you are not the last.”
His rage propels him in to his car before Brad and I can even utter a syllable. His slamming car door announces we are too late for any rebuttal. He peels out of our lives as fast and dramatically as he entered.
“Clara’s. Get in.” Brad instructs with what seems like giddiness. Odd.
I do as I am told. Brad starts the engine and we are off. I fidget trying to arrange my thoughts. I want to discuss the surreal scene that just took place. But I feel so incoherent.
“I cut you off because Mark is in the dark.” Brad offers. I wonder if I am this transparent to everyone. “He has been and probably is being used. We need to figure out by whom.”
“Oh god.” I groan.
“Oh no. Do not go feeling sorry for dum dum. Yes, someone is leaving him in the dark but he knows it. And he has known it was wrong all along. Which is why he is backpedaling so fast trying to get it cleaned up.” Brad exhales like the Olympic champion of the 100 meter dash.
“Shit.” I say blankly.
“It’s a lot to digest. I know. But he is dropping clues left and right.”
“He is playing a cat and mouse game with us?” My inability to keep up with Brad’s train of thought is making me feel like English is not my first language.
“Ha. Cute. No. He keeps calling your mom a ‘cop fucker.’ So it seems Ed Hayes was not the only cop she had a thing for or possibly with.” Brad clicks his tongue as punctuation. “And he keeps talking about Dan. His stepfather knows something. He is in deep. I promise you.”
“Shit.” I say blankly. Again.
“Clara must have some old photos or some effects from your mother. We need to dig up your mother’s past. Our answers can only come from her.” Brad is so sure of himself. I am sure of nothing.
*************************************************************************
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